wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
