She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
