respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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