fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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