I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
