Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
