I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
