i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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