Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
