I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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