now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
