I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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