i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
