somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
