I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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