Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bit a glass in half.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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