so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
