If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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