her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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