Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
