dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
