The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
