It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
