i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
