He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
