No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
