new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do vagina's smell?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dick very happy bro
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
