I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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