If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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