take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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