i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
