Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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