i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My feet surprised me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
