whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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