Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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