So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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