He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
