I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
