I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
