I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
