Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
