Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
