Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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