i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
