so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
