So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
