when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
