1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
thus making me awesome and them whores
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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