Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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