I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
