Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
